it wasn't lemon gatorade
we're chasing vodka with high fives
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
