she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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