I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
