my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
