I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
