I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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