I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
