Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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