KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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