never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
