So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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