Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
