my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
