im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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