Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
