Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
