do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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