I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
