he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
