Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And then he peed in my hair
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