omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
