She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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