i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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