Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
