She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize