Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
