It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
