so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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