Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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