the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
