i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
