that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
