I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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