Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
