Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
