david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
