They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize