this beer tastes like vomit already
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
