Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
