So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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