worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have tasted many bathrooms
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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