she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
