dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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