she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
