Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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