just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
