two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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