I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
