it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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