Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
