There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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