If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
