..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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