Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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