he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
