Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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