I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize