every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sarcasm needs its own font
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
