Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
