Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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