I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
