one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think my mom watched the whole time
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
