The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
