just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
