I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
