my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
