Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
