so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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