She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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