I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Pooping to opera.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
