I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize