BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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