Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
