It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
