I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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