clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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