its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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