this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
