ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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