Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
