I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
