nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize