then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
