I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
