i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize