My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
