it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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