When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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