I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
