Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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