Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
